Support

One of the most formative ideas I've entertained the last few years is encapsulated in these words of Glennon Doyles:

"I will not stay, not ever again - in a room or conversation or relationship or institution that requires me to abandon myself. When my body tells me the truth, I'll believe it. I trust myself now, so I will no longer suffer voluntarily or silently or for long."

So many of us end up staying in places that require self abdondment hoping that one day, soon, maybe later, eventuality, those places and people will finally give us the support we need, and will restore to us what we lost at the hands of our own abandon. There is a difference between doing hard things - the hard work that is in every relationship, vocation, community, project, season - and something being hard because it's not working, it's not a safe place for you, it's not a place where you'll get what you need, and adversely, where what you give will be valued in an authentic and genuine way.

It takes time to learn this, to figure what hard but healthy work feels like compared to what hard and toxic work feels like.

Because the truth is, we are made to support eachother physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Built into our bodies, senses, spirits and brains are receptors and connectors designed to perpetuate human collaboration. It's how this works. It's how it is meant to work. So do not allow yourself to feel shame for wanting support, needing support, being dependent. Not shameful; human.

And because support is not a crumb on the ground, something only for the weak, or a perk only for the acceptable, you do not have to grovle, prove or perform, beg or plead, the support you need.

How will you know?

Listen to your body. Learn to trust. Feel for the flow, in your blood in your spirit. You'll begin to know, you'll start to get a sense of what is a straight block and what is a problem to solve. Communicate clearly, leave nothing to assumptions, guessing, passive aggression or tenderness. Put it on all the table, and pack the responses in your pocket. Pull them out and read over them Later. Go to therapy, ask a friend, read books, tune in. Keep in touch with your values and boundaries, so you can know when they're crossed, challenged, or honoure; so you can know when there's room to grow, or if its time to let go. Ask your questions... of yourself and others. If you don't know, you won't even begin to if you hide your questions away. It takes courage and faith, but you mu friend, are faithful and full of courage. You just might not know it yet.

And above all, allow yourself the grace of a student. Allow it of others, too. We're all figuring it out as we go, learning how to give and get support in real time, on the field, while the clock is winding down. You will stuff it up, and so will others. You will get hurt, and you will hurt others. Grace is essential, and so is your commitment to vulnerability, trust, and belief. Know where the line is, listen deep, act true, take courage.

AFFIRMATION: When my body tells me the truth, I believe it. I practice self trust. I allow my self to learn this process. The mistakes are just as holy as the wins.

Liz xo